Friends, Romans, countrymen (and women), I come to you today with a request for prayers. I’ve told those of you I’ve spoken with over the last week or so that our next ultrasound is this Monday, June 18. At that point, I will be two days shy of twelve weeks pregnant.
While our first ultrasound in this pregnancy went relatively well—our baby had a heartbeat and was just the right size—the on-call doctor on the hospital’s fetal imaging floor gave us cause for concern. Our real doctor told us not to worry, that he believed what the other guy saw was not a problem. Either way, there was nothing we could have done.
This last week has been tough, just as the week before this little one’s debut ultrasound was tough. A friend asked me earlier this week if it felt like the longest week of my life. Surprisingly, in both cases, it didn’t. The days felt just long enough. Time passed at its regular pace. What’s different is me.
The best way I can think to describe how I feel is in-between. Nothing feels quite right. I’ve been knitting, trying to eat and sleep in healthy ways, indulging in some television, attempting to maintain something that looks like routine prayer, but nothing really fits. Writing is helping the most, and I am grateful for that, for the outlet of this blog, especially.
It’s such a strange thing to think I’m pregnant, but I might not be. I think it’s just my body and mind working trying to protect me, but I’ve had a couple of nights this week where I didn’t think I was hungry for seconds at dinner, as I normally would be in pregnant mode. I realize I’m not hungry, and think I must not be pregnant anymore. Then an hour later, I have a headache and I’m so hungry I could cry (and sometimes I do), and I think I must still be pregnant. But the part of me that’s afraid of getting hurt just won’t believe it. I hope Monday’s exam proves that cowardly part of me wrong.
And so I ask for your prayers. First, that this child is alive, healthy, and has a positive future, if that’s God’s will. Second, that no matter what God’s will is, we accept it wholeheartedly and with peace. Third, in thanksgiving for John and in petition for his continued patience with my emotions and my appetite.
If you are Catholic, please say a rosary . . . or twelve. I have found this to be an incredible means of bringing oneself into communion with God. If you are not Catholic, pray however you do. If you don’t pray, either give it a try (it’s not hard and you can’t really do it wrong—just start talking from the heart) or send good thoughts our way.
We’ll have an update Monday evening or Tuesday morning. I really, truly hope it will be good news.