My post earlier this week, while all true, was kind of filler until I could share our bigger news. Here she is again, in case you forgot.
The truth is most of what I’ve been doing is worrying. Worrying about what we’d see on the ultrasound. Worried that what we’d see wouldn’t be enough to calm my fears because we’re not far enough along yet. Today I’m feeling more hopeful than I have in the past few days. John told me last night that my “popped” belly doesn’t look like I’m putting on the pounds; it’s clear that there’s a little person in there. And while the growth is causing enough strain to my back to require the use of a heating pad a couple times a day, it’s very welcome.
So what else have I been up to? A girl can’t worry all day, every day.
I’ve made this cinnamon bread twice. The cinnamon swirl bread I found at the grocery store had milk in it, which made it a no-go for Jacob. This recipe is dairy-free, and makes good toast (though the swirl does fall apart because I use neither egg nor butter to hold the loaf together). The second time I subbed soymilk for water, and it was moister and more delicious. Cinnamon toast has a calming effect when my stomach starts embracing the hormonal changes of pregnancy.
I wrote a novel. Well, not just in the past few weeks. I’ve been working on it on and off for over a year and finished writing the first draft the day before Mother’s Day. There’s a lot of editing to do, and I’m not sure it has a shot to be published, but man, is it fun in my eyes.
I also wrote that strongly worded letter. The hospital administration guy I spoke with to learn how to file a complaint was helpful and kind, so we’ll see what happens. At least I’ll have brought a sensitive issue to that doctor and his superior’s consciousness.
I’ve been knitting, though less furiously than normal. I don’t know who decided that a scarf was an ideal pattern for a beginner knitter, because those things take for-ev-er. I’m switching my stitch pattern every ten inches or so, but I can’t wait for it to be finished. If you want to start knitting, try a hat or something. Sure, there’s some shaping, but you want a little challenge, right? Scarves are Boring, with a capital B.
Locating a replacement for our dear Ducky III. This most recent ducky was a Christmas gift from my brother, but unfortunately it sprung a leak when I was cleaning it last week. I choose deflated ducky to ducky with gross black mold, so I’m glad to have found a new tub that will be easier to clean. Jacob’s technically too big for it, but I don’t want to scrub our easily moldy tub every other day and use a ton of water to bathe him, so it’s our best bet.
But those are little things. Most of what I’ve been doing is growing this human, which is an honor, despite how frightening the future sometimes looks.