An Early Father’s Day for This Mama

Although it’s still a few weeks away, I’m already thinking about Father’s Day.  It’s the same week as John’s birthday (my favorite secular holiday of the year), which means the third week of June is a double-celebration for us from now until the end of time.  And considering I plan dinners and weekend desserts at least a week ahead of time, you can imagine when I start planning for double John celebrations.

But before we look forward, we must always look back, right?

Dreams of steaks and sweet treats aside, last night I had a moment that made me grateful all over again for the blessing of my two favorite guys in my life.  Come with me into my memories, please.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Inception on you or anything.

Jacob went to sleep early because he missed a nap, so John didn’t get a chance to hang out with him in the evening.  When this happens, we anxiously await a cry for a diaper change so that John can have some face time with the little man, even if it is in the dark.  As I sat in the glider waiting to nurse our Peanut, I remembered a very special moment from just after Jacob was born.

If I think back to brand-new Jacob, the image in my mind is this photo:

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I was in a non-clinical kind of shock after he was born.  Although I remember seeing his feet in the doctor’s hands, I can barely remember the first time I saw the little guy’s face.  What I do remember is that as I held him, with John standing over us both, John gently asked, “Can I hold him?”  And it was a moment I don’t know that I have the words to describe.  Yes, I was “meeting” this little person to whom I had been physically connected since he came into existence.  Seeing and holding him was a brand new and amazing experience, for sure.

But somehow I had the presence of mind to put myself in John’s shoes for a moment.  He had felt Jacob kick and he knew the ins and outs of my pregnancy, but holding Jacob was a whole new ball game for him in a different way than it was for me.  Touching our baby, holding him, was something he’d waited for in a physically disconnected way.  There was so much love in his patient waiting, and in the serenely joyful way he asked me for a chance to hold our little guy in his arms.  He was then, and is now, a completely natural father.

I am so grateful that Jacob has John as a dad.  And I am so grateful that I have him as my partner in parenthood.

Every day is Father’s Day in these parts.  But don’t think that doesn’t mean I’ve got a heck of a dessert in mind for the “real” holiday!