An Open Letter to Patrons of the New York City Subway System

To Whom It May Concern (and that means you):

 

I wish to bring to your attention an issue that has plagued me in the past, but has, of late, made life considerably more difficult for me. Before I even get to it, I want to note that I have been in your shoes; I have neglected the problem before as well. Now that I’m on the other side, I feel it is my civic duty to voice this concern. I am sure I am not the only one who holds it.

 

The fact is, you just don’t help me up and down the subway stairs enough when I have my son in a stroller—especially now that I’m nearing seven months pregnant. You know not every station has an elevator. Trust me, I use them whenever I can, despite their antiseptic odor.

 

I do appreciate what I expect you’d phrase as a compliment: that you can’t tell I’m pregnant from behind. I do feel I’m in better shape this time around than I was when pregnant with Jacob. But that’s not the point. From the back, it should be fairly obvious that I am driving a stroller, pregnant or not. A quick glance will confirm that there is a toddler strapped inside, and a very friendly toddler at that. Those of you who have offered help have been greeted by his sweet smile and sometimes even a word or two. I think even you would agree that the giggle of a child, not to mention the good feeling that comes from helping someone else out, is reward enough.

 

And still so many of you seemingly able-bodied folks pass me by. On one hand, I get it. As I said above, I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve figured that if this woman was going to take her kid in a stroller on the subway, she had a plan to get him in and out of the station.

 

The thing is, that plan involves YOU.

 

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But why aren’t you willing? What’s the worst that could happen? You ask if I need help and I say no, thanks? Or are you concerned I’m going to get all litigious if you drop my baby? I’m holding the other side of the thing. The kid’s not going anywhere.

 

So this is where the situation stands: you think I can handle myself; I think you’re capable of helping; and neither of us is going to talk about it.

 

You know what? That’s okay. Because I’m on to you. I’ve figured out the secret. These days, I huff and puff my way up and down the stairs. It’s not that far from the truth, but I do exaggerate it a bit. I take my time, let the sweat beads fall. When I don’t look like I have it all together, I’m much more likely to have someone ask, “Do you need help?” To which I respond an overtly grateful, “Yes. Please.” More often than not, there’s a look of concern that goes along with it. Who knows? Maybe you think I’m from out of town. So be it.

 

It’s fall—a season of change that tapers into a season of generosity and gratitude. So let’s make a change, New Yorkers. And may the baby smiles that come with it abound.

 

Very, very sincerely,

YMM

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A Different Kind of Anniversary

Yesterday was a very special day: my parents’ fortieth anniversary. It was also a much less important, almost ridiculous anniversary: the anniversary of my learning to knit.

 

If you’ve read for any length of time (or you’ve been to our home and sat in a certain chair), you know that I have developed something that, at times, borders on obsession. I love to knit. I love the preparation before a project begins—choosing the pattern, envisioning modifications, shopping for yarn. I love finishing a project, even when it seems to take forever—the sewing, weaving in ends, soaking and drying a garment to look smooth and polished.

 

I’ve always loved to make things with string, like friendship bracelets and hemp necklaces, back in the day. I’m not surprised that I love knitting so much. I am surprised by how much I’ve created over the past 365 days. I’m on my third adult sweater (with two baby sweaters thrown in, too). I’ve knit something like ten earwarmer headbands, an elephant, a car, a bear, half a blanket, at least five hats, a couple of golf club covers, three scarves . . .

 

Part of my being so prolific is that knitting was therapeutic for me after we lost Ethan. When I couldn’t figure out what to do with my day or how to spend my time, when I wanted to sleep at the wrong time of day and couldn’t rest when everyone else was, there was one thing I could do. It was productive, creative, and usually for someone else. Some gifts were for holidays, others were just “thinking of you.”
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For me, the “thinking of you” knitting is the very best kind. When I knit for someone else, he or she is on my mind at every step of the process. Sometimes I am explicitly praying for them as I knit. More often than not, I am simply thinking about them, appreciating what they add to my life, hoping that a long piece of yarn twisted in on itself over and over again will communicate my love and gratitude tangibly.

 

I joked the other day that my knitting makes me kind of an old lady. The truth is, knitting really is a joy that is likely to last me the rest of my days. There is always something new to learn. There is always a new challenge to be had. It is intellectual, creative, physical, and for me, spiritual and emotional.

 

It is a very happy knitting anniversary indeed. And may there be many more.

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Something Worth Celebrating

Today, in my family, is a day worth celebrating.

 

Today my parents have been married for forty years.

 

When John, Jacob, and I celebrated with them a few weeks ago, we gave them a gift that included some photos of then, now, and the days in between. It was my dad who noticed that they are standing in the same poses in this photo, taken when they were dating,

and this photo, taken on a vacation to Champagne, France earlier this year.

I love what these photos symbolize about their relationship. There have been ups, downs, and changes, some of which I may never know about. Yet what I saw was that no matter the circumstances, something stronger kept them standing side by side, every day.
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The love between them blossomed into two other people (my brother and me). It’s a love that works together and laughs a lot. It’s a love that lives in their relationships with their friends, a love that is being passed down to their grandchildren.

 

When I was growing up, there was a little plaque in our kitchen that said, “Happiness is being married to your best friend.” I am blessed to be living that reality now, and I owe so much of it to the example I’ve had in them my whole life. I am looking forward to the day when I can say I’ve spent the majority of my life with my spouse.

 

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for teaching me how to love by loving the very best you could. I love you, and I am so grateful to be your daughter.

 

Happy anniversary!

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