City Life, Country Life

by youngmarriedmom Posted on June 25, 2012

Every time I’m pregnant, within a week of learning the news, the same thought crosses my mind: it’s time to move to New Jersey.

 

When John and I got married, we moved from our parents’ houses, respectively, to an apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Never in my life did I think I’d live in New York City. Well, not until I realized I wanted to work in publishing. As for many other industries, New York is something like the headquarters of the publishing world. That, and the fact that John already had a job in New York before we graduated from college meant the city would be our home, for a few years at least.

 

Enter Baby One. When I told John I was pregnant with Jacob, practically my next sentence was, “We’re moving to New Jersey.” Our parents are still in the houses we grew up in, and they are six minutes apart by car. Sure, living in a city like New York is a unique and irreplaceable education for a child, but having four living grandparents as a routine element of his life is more important in my mind.

 

We considered our options and decided that New Jersey wasn’t right for us yet. John’s hours are long without being ridiculous, but we knew the commute would mean that he would have very little time with our very little one during the week. Instead, we did what ninety percent of expectant couples in Manhattan do: we moved to Brooklyn.

 

Enter Baby Two. When we found out I was pregnant with Ethan, John and I had a similar talk. This time, the conversation focused on the practicality—or impracticality—of our apartment. When we moved in, it seemed like we could easily have two children in the apartment. Once it looked like that was going to be a reality, we reconsidered. Jacob had recently exhibited signs of a sleep diva, and the thought of no one in our family sleeping for months on end was terrifying.

 

We couldn’t move again, though, partially out of principle and partially out of the expense of movers, a broker’s fee, and the possibility of paying rent for two apartments in the same month. Unfortunately, I have an uncanny ability to get pregnant with a due date within two weeks of a lease’s expiration.

 

When that pregnancy ended, I didn’t know where I wanted to be. I thought I might want to be closer to family, should we lose another child. On the other hand, Brooklyn was working, and despite the rough spots in those weeks before I found out about Baby Three, it has very much become our home.
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So here we are with Baby Three growing and growing! Again, I have thought to myself, “It’s time to move to New Jersey.” But as much as I love being with both our families in the same weekend when we visit, I don’t think I’m ready for suburban life.

 

Do you know why? Car seats.

 

I used to love being in the car, either behind the wheel or in the passenger seat. Now that I’m accustomed to city life—and city life with a child, mind you—I can’t imagine a life that doesn’t happen by walking and the occasional subway ride.

 

In a single afternoon, in a single trip, I can drop off clothes at the dry cleaners, pick up a book from the library, take a walk through the park, grocery shop, and pick up my washed and folded laundry without stopping at home, without fastening or unfastening a car seat buckle. Jacob’s either in the stroller or I’m carrying him our ErgoBaby carrier (the best one out there, by the way). We talk, we have snacks, we get a good dose of Vitamin D. Who knew city life could be this appealing?

 

Then I imagine all those errands with TWO babies in the suburbs, and while I know people do it—I know my parents did it—I just don’t see how. It seems like things must take forever.

 

I’m sure someday that will be my reality. It’s only a matter of time until I look back on our city years and think, “How in the world did I do that?” But for right now, Brooklyn is the place for me.

Posted in Brooklyn, Modern Perspectives, Motherhood, Young Married Mom | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Motherhood Means No Sleep–and That’s Okay

by youngmarriedmom Posted on June 23, 2012

When I was a teenager and I’d come home late (mind you, my driving curfew was midnight, so it was rarely very late), I knew that even if my mom was in bed, she wasn’t asleep. I’d whisper, “Good night” when I passed her room at the top of the stairs and get a “Good night”—not groggy at all—right back. She couldn’t sleep until my brother and I were home, she’d tell me. I’d think, “We’re fine! Just go to sleep!” But she simply couldn’t, and now I understand why. Not because Jacob’s been out watching harmless movies at his friends’ houses, but because motherhood wreaks havoc on a woman’s ability to sleep.

 

First, there’s pregnancy, when you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, and/or wonder how no one has yet to come up with a quick solution for a Charlie horse.

 

Then there’s the newborn stage, when your infant is figuring out when it’s daytime and when it’s nighttime, and you are failing to figure out how your seemingly sleeping child can tell when you’re sitting and when you’re standing (preferring, of course, the latter).

 

 

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If you, like me, lose a child, it will be difficult to find rest at the appropriate times. Like a newborn, you’ll find yourself crying at night and wanting to sleep during the day. Like the parent of a newborn, you know that some good rest would make everyone involved feel a whole lot better, but you also know that it’s just not that easy.

 

If, again like me, you are blessed with another child shortly thereafter, you will lose sleep until you know this child has lived longer than the last. Then the joy, the excitement, and the planning will take over your mind, making sleep nearly impossible yet again.

 

I am tired, yes, but then, I am a mother. And if that is what it takes to call these three wonderful children ours, I’ll take it all, no questions asked.

 

Posted in Motherhood, Young Married Mom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Let’s Review: Inappropriate

by youngmarriedmom Posted on June 20, 2012

In light of the good news we shared earlier this week, I feel the need to make a plea to Brooklyn, or perhaps all of society, to reconsider how we speak to pregnant ladies.

 

Last week, when I was at just eleven weeks, the lady at the dry cleaner’s asked me if I was pregnant. I was still a mess of worry at that point, so I wasn’t thrilled about her asking. I wondered if my answer would be the same the next time I came in.

 

Now that we know the baby is doing well thus far, another thought comes to mind: If she can tell at eleven weeks, how huge will I be at forty?

 

Me, the day before Jacob was born

 

I’ve posted about this before, citing some cringe-worthy examples of things friends of mine have heard. These ladies all had perfectly normal pregnancies and baby bumps. It seems that sometimes people just don’t know what to say around women with child. When we consider that pregnant women comprise one of the most hormonal/emotional sectors of the population, I think we would all do well to think a little more before we speak.

 

Here’s a kind of primer to get us started:

 

Things NOT to say to a pregnant lady:

     1. Are you expecting?
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Unless it is very clear or you have heard the good news from a trusted source, just don’t ask. If it’s obvious, there’s no need to ask a question which implies, “Or are you just fat?”

 

     2. Is it twins?

If it is, and you need to know, she’ll tell you. Please don’t guess how many people are in there. Consider how often twins are born, compared to how often a pregnancy is with a single child. You are suggesting to this woman that she is committed to birthing somewhere between ten and sixteen pounds of human. No one wants to think like that.

 

     3. You look like you’re about to pop!

Do you have any idea how often I heard this in my seventh month? They say you get bigger faster with subsequent pregnancies, and so far that is true for me. I don’t want to imagine how big I could possibly get, so let’s not talk about it, okay, stranger?

 

While I was encouraged and inspired by how many people were fascinated or excited about my first pregnancy—strangers in particular, that’s really as far as it needs to go, in my book. Perhaps I’m too much a fan of personal space, but there are boundaries that just don’t need to be crossed.

 

Rule of thumb: Don’t guess things about a woman’s pregnancy, unless you’re family or a close friend.

 

This time around, if I am so lucky as to be asked something like “How much do you weigh?” I hope I can address the question with grace and offer a bit of perspective. Happy mamas make for happy babies, and happy babies make the world a better place.

Posted in Modern Perspectives, Motherhood, Young Married Mom | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment