Safety Monster

Those of you who know me know that I am a rather cautious person. I like to be safe.  I read directions; I follow rules, sometimes to a fault.  For example . . .

Not only have I never broken a bone, but as a kid, I also cringed at the proposition of a Band-Aid.  The discomfort of taking one off was reason enough for me not to do anything that could possibly necessitate wearing one of those sticky rubber strips.

When driving, I put on my blinker to turn into my parents’ driveway, even when I know full well that another car won’t be coming our way for at least half an hour.

When I get into a pool or the ocean, I don’t jump.  I go toe first, then ankle, then leg, etc.  Don’t even think about splashing me.

On our honeymoon, I couldn’t bear driving my own ATV because I was ninety-eight percent sure I was going to destroy myself before the afternoon was over (and I maintain that I was probably right).

 
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Some of this is extreme, I know.  But they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  So more and more often, this is what we’re finding when we look into the Pack ‘N Play:

Really, Jacob?  You’re reading the warnings?  In all three languages?   Do you doubt our assembly?   Are you concerned your bunny blanket puts you over the weight limit?

I think we’ve created a safety monster.