Turning off the Television

John and I have a handmade rug that was given to us as a wedding/shower present hanging in front of our only television. When people come into our living room, they often ask where our TV is. We hide it this way because we recognize that both interior design-wise and figuratively, a television can be a black hole into which one can get sucked for long periods of time.

This is not to say that we don’t watch TV. We are loyal Jets fans (ahem, currently the #1 team in the AFC East), and I have a proud history of convincing John there are shows we should watch together. Sadly, The Biggest Loser is not yet one of them, but that’s what friends are for.

 

When John’s working late or out of town—as he has been this week, in the great state of Texas—

 

(My only experience of Texas was at a Houston rodeo, and I loved every minute of it, save the mutton bustin’. YouTube that on your own time.)

 

I tend to spend lunch or dinner in front of a television show on my computer. On a busy day, this can relax me. Every now and then, it is a little time to veg out and let my brain recuperate from an early or whine-filled (or both) morning.

 

Lately, I’ve let this habit become routine. More often than not, I’m finding that I’m not accomplishing what I want in that quiet time while Jacob’s sleeping. Then I stay up later in the evening to get said things done. Then I’m too tired the next day to do things when I have time, so I watch TV. Then . . . you get the point.

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This week, something came over me. I don’t know if it was energy from the great fun I had this weekend or some kind of nesting impulse, but I didn’t turn on a television show when it was time to eat alone. Instead, I started finishing the four or five books I’ve started over the last few months.

 

Can we talk about how wonderful it feels to finish a book? None of what I’m reading is so enthralling that I’m having that I-don’t-want-this-to-end-I-wish-there-were-more experience. It’s just something to cross off the list, clear off the shelf, and move on with. Seeing all these half-read books on the shelf makes my brain feel cluttered, which makes me a little less fun to be around. Clearing out the clutter means a happier, more patient, more fun me.

 

I’m feeling these days like everything I do is leading up to Henry’s birth. I’ve started to make a plan to cut down on work projects by the holidays, and take some self-imposed maternity leave at the beginning of the year. I am working desperately to finish up a round of edits on my novel (which may well lead to more work, but I accept that). I am settling the piles of to-dos around here and shedding what isn’t necessary.

 

A lot of these impulses are probably symptoms of nesting, which is just fine with me. I’m one week away from the official start of the third trimester—expect a poem—and every day that passes is a kind of counting up to the special day we anticipate bringing our little boy home.

 

At the same time, I can’t help realizing that I wouldn’t have accomplished so many of the nitpicky things that jam up my brain if I had indulged in the new episodes of my current favorite TV shows that I know are available online. I’m sure I’ll get to them soon enough, and if I don’t, who cares? I have more important things to do—and I’m doing them.

 

Now if I could only harness the addictive power of the Internet . . .

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I Hope You (and Your Friends) Dance

This weekend, John and I attended the wedding of one of his friends from college.

 

 

 

Okay, that’s not entirely true: I attended the wedding; John was in the wedding. Tim is John’s friend, but I consider him mine as well. And we both count his wife (!) as a personal friend, so two friends. Anyway.

 

 

 

The weekend was fantastic—but not because it was in Florida and not because Jacob (who now requires a plane ticket of his own!) was with his grandparents, and we could eat all the dairy we wanted. It was fantastic because of the people we shared it with. I think you’ve met at least one of them before. We laughed, we danced, and with a rough count, I would say I witnessed about a dozen chest bumps.

 

 


I remember having a conversation with John a few months before we went off to college about the kind of people we might meet. He wasn’t sure what to expect of Harvard students. John is smart, but also well rounded. In other words, would most of the people he met be geeks?
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I’m not sure why this would have been a problem, considering he was dating me, but still.

 

What happened was that he met some of the most hilarious, fun-loving, grounded—and yes, smartest—people I have ever met. People who can throw one heck of a dance party, and routinely did so throughout our four years of undergrad. I might have been officially enrolled at another school across the river, but hanging out with those guys felt like home pretty much from day one.

 

 

The group is scattered around the world at this point, but for important events like weddings, heaven and earth are moved to get everyone together. And once these boys get together, there’s no stopping them. Every moment is a good time. John laughed so hard at one point, he cried.

 

The point of all this is that I came home extra grateful that our home is launching into a 3:1 male to female ratio. John and I have already considered putting a sign that says “Man Cave” at the entrance to the boys’ room.

 

There is something honest and genuine about dudes, and I love that. I hope our boys find friends in each other, but also in other good, strong boys they meet as they grow up. I hope they have the kinds of relationships John and his friends have. No pretenses, just a good time with good people you can totally be yourself around.  And most of all, I hope they—and their friends—dance like we did this weekend.

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Dear Jacob XX (Happy Birthday!)

Dear Jacob,

 

Today is your second birthday. Happy birthday! In a way, of course, it’s hard to believe that two years have passed since you were born. But then, the passage of time and just about everything I knew about the world changed once you were a part of it, so I probably shouldn’t be surprised.

Often when we’re talking about something you said or did (we quote you all the time) your grandma or your dad will say to me, “You’ve got to write this stuff down!” I remind them that I have this blog, and I’m trying, in part, to do just that, but the reality is that you are too full of a person, too complete, too beautiful, too brimming with surprises to be captured with a few meager words from me. Still, though, I will try.

 

At this point in your life, you are the most polite toddler I know. You say, “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” (though it sounds like “peas,” “tan tu,” and “weh-tom”), often without prompting and usually in the right context. You love to point out cars, trucks, trains, airplanes, helicopters, and ambulances. You know that you went in an ambulance once, and Mommy and Daddy came along.

 

When you speak, you exaggerate vowel sounds: “spin aroooouund,” “sit doooooown.” Most of your “c” sounds sound like ts: “big car” is “bit tar” to you. I understand you like it’s nothing, and I do a lot of translating for you around other people. Of course “eh-top-ter” is “helicopter”! Babble to others, your words are usually clear as day to me, and I love that.

 

You sing the alphabet song, and finally “L-M-N-O” is starting to have some definition. You used to just wiggle your tongue in your mouth until we got to p. You can count up to twenty on your own, straight through. Counting down is a different story: “ten, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!” If you had your way, we’d never get to a new year!

 

You don’t understand that numbers are useful to determine how many of something there are (unless we’re talking about your feet, ears, hands, or doggies—“one two doggies!”). You’ll point at a book with me, but there’s no method behind it. There could be three fish on a page, and somehow you’ll still get up to ten or whatever number suits your fancy, pointing to the same pictures more than once, then branching off to completely unrelated images.

 

When you wake up from a nap, you call to me “All done sleep!” to let me know you’re ready to get up. I’ll open the door to your room, and before I can even turn on the light, you say, “Hi!” And sometimes when I’m cooking dinner and your daddy’s getting you ready for bed, you’ll run into the kitchen, hair still wet from your bath, and cry with a smile, “Hi, Mommy!” You might actually be too cute for words.

 

You fell in love with the ocean on vacation, though you don’t love it nearly as much as you love both your papas . . . or pop-pops. We’re still not quite sure how you’ve decided to say “grandpa.”

You like to throw balls, but you are better at kicking them. Your catching isn’t bad, but you often giggle too hard to concentrate on making a completion. I think we have convinced you that you like football. I hope you really do.
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You love meat, especially sausage and hot dogs. Those are some of my favorites, too, but you are sometimes better about eating vegetables with them. Your allergies are still a challenge, but you eat so well that you are a strong, healthy boy. You were a giant when you were born, and we keep thinking you’re a big guy—until you play with a friend about your age. Then it’s clear that you are on the smaller side, like my side of the family. Your clothing sizes are proof of this as well; you’re a size larger in shirts than pants. Sorry about the short legs. Daddy’s going to help you with your turnover rate so that you can still be a fast runner, like he is.

 

For a toddler, you are pretty good at being patient, especially with me. I am trying to teach you to listen, but sometimes I probably expect a little more from you than you are capable of. You don’t hold grudges, though, and I am trying not to just instruct you to do what I want you to do, what would be easier for me, but what is really best for you. Your dad and I do believe obedience to us is important, so sometimes you are learning to do what we say just because it’s what we’ve asked of you. I hope you can learn this respect for people in charge of you while continuing to ask questions and form your own opinions. That sort of humility is of the utmost importance.

 

This week you’ve had a cold and I’ve started to check in on you before I go to sleep at night. The door sticks, but you sleep soundly enough now that we can open and close it without disturbing you. You are, hands down, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. When I look down at you, I am sometimes brought to my knees, thanking God for the perfect, beautiful boy before me. God is good, and He did a very good job when He made you.

I never really checked in on you while you were sleeping before. When you were very little, I didn’t have the typical fear that you would roll over and get yourself stuck or stop breathing. I also wasn’t sure that just one check-in a night would satisfy that fear if I had it. I’d have to be at your bedside all the time. I know I can’t do that, especially when there are other little ones to care for in our family. The best I can do is to teach you faith, hope, love, courage, and strength in the grace of God. It’s the least I can do, really, seeing as you have taught those things to me in a way I didn’t know before.

 

This year was rough, as we lost your brother, Ethan, and struggled through the first two trimesters of a new pregnancy—that of your other brother, Henry. We are so excited for you boys to meet and to start being friends. From the way you follow the big kids around on the playground, I think you will be a very good big brother. Even when you want something, you don’t go overboard. You keep an even keel, and know that a snuggle and a hug can make just about anything better. I hope you will teach Henry the same.

 

Your dad and I were talking the other night about how you are likely to end up in the oldest-brother-is-the-shortest way, like your wonderful uncle Karl is. Actually—and this is the first time he’s hearing this—I see a lot of Uncle Karl in you. You are both loving, kind, friendly, and while passionate, not dramatic. You are easygoing and happy, and fun to be around.

At the same time, you are YOU, not anyone else, and it has been a joy to get to know you over these last two years. I can’t wait to see what the next one holds.

 

Happy birthday, my special little guy! Mommy loves you so big. (But she also intends to teach you better grammar than that.)

 

Hut and tisses,
Mom

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