Shortly after you were born, I started to get nervous about the fact that I was embarking on a year (at least!) of living with a person who was not able to talk to me. That sort of silence is frightening. How was I going to know what you needed? How was I going to entertain you? How was I going to stand having no one to really talk to? Was I going to lose my mind?
Fourteen months later, every single one of those fears has been put to rest. You don’t use verbal words that often, and even your signing has become rather one-dimensional lately, but I think we’ve come to a pretty good understanding of one another, even without those.
I’ve learned that “maternal instinct” can be, in fact, a learned behavior. The tasks it took to care for you as a newborn were things that anyone would have been capable of doing. But because I did them, I came to know you better than probably anyone else in the world (though your dad is a really close second). With the help of your cues, a closer relationship with the clock, and that “maternal instinct”, I’d say I do a pretty okay job of keeping you happy each day.
I love that you’re starting to respond more when I talk to you. You can follow directions like “put the ball in the car” or “find your water cup.” You know that “bath” means it’s time to go into the bathroom (hooray!) and that “outside” means go to the door and get your shoes. You don’t always do these things, of course, and I’m also starting to see that you can hear selectively when you want to. We’re going to work on that.
I don’t always get things right, either. Sometimes it takes me a few tries to figure out what you want. I think it might take you a few times to figure out what you want, too. But when I ask if you’re hungry, and you giggle and run to the kitchen, I thank God that this year—or more—of virtual silence isn’t so silent at all.
You are such a fun little boy, Jacob, and such a good eater, if that’s what we’re talking about. I love you so much, and you are at the top of my list of things I’m grateful for this year and always.
Oh, and just so you know, I’m probably going to ask for a few hugs today. You’ll know what to do.